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"She made the most wonderfully awful noises," the man in the black suit said reflectively, "and she scratched her face quite badly, I'm afraid.  Her eyes bulged out like a frog's eyes.  She wept."  He paused, then added:  "She wept as she died, isn't that sweet?  And here's the most beautiful thing of all.  After she was dead . . . after she had been lying on the floor for fifteen minutes or so with no sound but the stove ticking and with the little stick of bee-stinger still poking out of the side of her neck--so small, so small--do you know what Candy Bill did?  That little rascal licked away her tears.  First on one side . . . and then on the other." -Stephen King's EVERYTHING'S EVENTUAL 14 DARK TALES (The Man in the Black Suit)

"Tampon expands width-wise to fit your unique form" -Tampon Box from under my sink

me: my side is itching!
dad: when it itches it means its healing
me: are you serious?
dad: i duno, just thought id sound good
 
lmaolmaolmao i'm sorry if you don't find that funny, but if you find the little things funny and you know my dad's funnyness then you will think it's funny lmaolmaolmaolmaolmao i guess you would have to say it was a "you-had-to-of-been-there" thing


"I Believe I Can Fly" R. Kelly


                                             I used to think that I could not go on
                                             And life was nothing but an awful song
                                             But now I know the meaning of true love
                                             I'm leaning on the everlasting arms
                                             
                                             If I can see it, then I can do it
                                             If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
                                             
                                             1 -	I believe I can fly
                                             	I believe I can touch the sky
                                             	I think about it every night and day
                                             	Spread my wings and fly away
                                             	I believe I can soar
                                             	I see me running through that open door
                                             	I believe I can fly
                                             	I believe I can fly
                                             	I believe I can fly
                                             
                                             See I was on the verge of breaking down
                                             Sometimes silence can seem so loud
                                             There are miracles in life I must achieve
                                             But first I know it starts inside of me, oh
                                             
                                             If I can see it, then I can be it
                                             If I just believe it, there's nothing to it
                                             
                                             Repeat 1
                                             
                                             Hey, cuz I believe in me, oh
                                             
                                             If I can see it, then I can do it
                                             If I just believe it, there's nothign to it
                                             
                                             Repeat 1
                                             
                                             Hey, if I just spread my wings
                                             I can fly
                                             I can fly
                                             I can fly, hey
                                             If I just spread my wings
                                             I can fly
                                             Fly-eye-eye
                                             

Ignition - Remix R. Kelly
INTRO
Now, usually I dont do this, but go ahead and
Break em off a little prview of the remix

VERSE
Now Im not tryin ta be rude but hey pretty girl Im feelin you
The way you do the things you do reminds me of my E Lexus Coup
Thats why Im all up in your grill tryin ta get ya to a hotel
You must be a football coach the way you got me playin the field

B-SEC
So baby give me that toot toot and let me give ya that beep beep
Runnin her hands through my fro
Bouncin on 24s while there sayin on the radio

HOOK
Its the remix to Ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body got every man in here wishin
Sippin on Coke and rum Im like so what Im drunk
Its the freakin weekend baby Im about to have me some fun

Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce (repeat)
Cmon

VERSE
Its like murder she wrote
Once I get you out them clothes
Privacy is on the door
Still they can hear ya screamin more
Girl Im feeling what youre feelin
No more hopin and wishin
Im about to take my key and stick it in the ignition

B SEC
So give me that.

HOOK

BRIDGE
Cristal poppin in the stretch Navigator
They got food everywhere as if the party was catered
I got fellas to my right and honies to my left
We bring them both together and we got jukin all night
Cuz after the show its the after party yeah
And after the party its the hotel lobby
And around about 4:00 you gotta clear the lobby
Then take it to your room and somebody

B SECTION
Can I get a ...

HOOK
(repeat)

Girl we off in the this jeep
Foggin windows up
In the back of my truck
Blastin the radio
Bouncin up and down
Stroke it round and round
To the re-mix
We just buggin out